The 5 injunctions that influence our actions

Dernière mise à jour de l'article le 15 June 2025

Self-knowledge is a great power that enables us to understand and steer our lives in the right direction.

Vernon Howard

Did you know that our behaviour is influenced by injunctions from our childhood and upbringing?

Unconsciously, we try to respond to these injunctions.

Our behaviour, actions and reactions will not be exactly the same, depending on the intention of these injunctions.

What is it? Our actions are controlled by injunctions!?

Yes… without realising it, our brain has saved the injunctions we heard as children and unconsciously transformed them into beliefs. They have become true for us and therefore the norm to follow.

To illustrate these injunctions, I’ll use the example of our reaction to the fear of failure.

I’ve already touched on this subject in an article in which I gave you 3 tips for overcoming our fear of failure.

Well, our fear of failure won’t necessarily be the same as our neighbour’s, precisely because of these injunctions.

All right, I’ll end the suspense and introduce them to you.

When I do something, I have to do it perfectly!

The first is fairly easy to guess.

Here’s a hint: « Never make mistakes » « You can do better » « I expected better from you ».

Are you interested?

Generally, when we have this dominant injunction, our aim is to want to do things perfectly.

When you do something, you have to do it perfectly.

It’s something we learned as children. And so we tend to want to control everything to make sure that everything goes perfectly well (according to our criteria, of course…). And this can lead to perfectionist and very demanding behaviour. In other words, the fear of failure is omnipresent, because, by definition, if it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.

If ever you recognised yourself in this injunction, I invite you to consider your actions as beta versions. You test your actions to improve the final version 😉.

And a little extra: think about the following question: « To what extent does this less-than-perfect action/task still meet the initial needs/demand? »

I have to make sure everyone is happy.

The second injunction is also fairly simple to understand.

« Think of others » « Don’t be selfish », « Be kind ».

In this injunction, our aim is to please others above all else, even if it means forgetting ourselves in the process.

You have to be nice to other people to earn their esteem.

Once again, it’s probably what we were taught as children. Think of others before yourself. And so people with this injunction will tend to try at all costs to please others, even if it’s to their detriment.

Generally, we find it hard to say no (it speaks to you…) or we avoid conflict for fear of the other person’s rejection. And when we fail, the feeling of rejection resurfaces, because we haven’t succeeded in satisfying the other person’s needs.

If you recognise yourself in this description, I invite you to think about this question « To what extent are my needs as important as the other person’s needs? »

I have to kill myself at work to be recognised

Let’s move on to the third injunction.

« Work hard » « You don’t deserve any credit, it was easy », « When you do something, get involved ».

When we are given this injunction, we generally tend to prioritise effort over results.

If you persevere and make the effort, you’ll get there in the end.

Well, this one, I think we’ve all come across a colleague with this injunction at some point in our professional careers.

Generally speaking, people with this type of injunction tend to get (too) involved (personally) in everything they do.

When the task is easy, these people tend to devalue their results and therefore consider it a personal failure.

You might think it’s a good thing to make an effort to get there, but unfortunately if you’re too stubborn, you can forget the initial objective and consider yourself a perpetual failure because « too easy ».

If you recognise yourself in this injunction, no problem. I invite you to think about the following question: « To what extent does this solution, which was easy for me to achieve, also meet the need/request I was made? »

The sooner I get things done, the sooner I’ll succeed.

The penultimate injunction.

« Don’t dawdle », « Go for it, you’re too slow », « Don’t waste your time »

Ah, I saw you smile! Well yes, it’s an injunction!

We have this belief that in today’s society, which is constantly evolving and changing …., we always have to move faster.

Going fast is better than taking your time, otherwise it’s a waste of time.

The golden rule for people with this injunction: Efficiency. Efficiency. Efficiency.

Our time is precious, so we mustn’t waste it by doing several things at once. These people generally find it difficult to « do nothing ». They are the first on the front line and tend to cut off people whom they consider to be too slow in their explanations.

These profiles may not be aware of their failures, because they are too busy moving on to the next action. And the risk. Bah, is that by not listening to feedback, they risk repeating the same mistakes and burning out.

If you recognise yourself in this injunction, I invite you to ponder the following question: « To what extent is taking your time a waste of time? What does time mean to you? »

Only the weak lose the battle!

And the last one!

« Never show your weaknesses », « In life, you have to know how to fight » « Hide your feelings, repress them ».

When we had this injunction, we were taught that in life you had to know how to fight to get what you wanted. Above all, you mustn’t show your feelings, because that’s a sign of weakness.

We have to show the others that we are strong.

People with this injunction tend not to show or express their feelings, because it’s like an admission of weakness on their part.

Very results-oriented, they tend to want to fend for themselves, because they don’t trust others. They can be intolerant of people they consider weak. And failure is considered impossible. They must succeed. Otherwise it’s a sign of weakness.

If you can identify with this injunction, I suggest you consider the following question « To what extent can not showing your emotions to others be a sign of weakness? ».

You need to find at least 5 reasons!

Ok… now that I know these 5 injunctions… what’s next?

After explaining these 5 injunctions, I’m going to tell you a secret. As you read these descriptions, you’re probably thinking « Ah, but I can see myself in all these injunctions… which one should I choose? ».

Well, in reality, we have all 5 within us.

To varying degrees of expression.

And sometimes the 5 can be high.

So sorry, I don’t have a miracle solution for you if you have these 5 injunctions at a high level. You’ll just have to work at it.

To achieve this, we need to develop a better understanding of ourselves so that we can stand back from these injunctions.

First of all, don’t see these injunctions as necessarily negative.

Some of these beliefs have helped you move forward in life.

First of all, try to identify the 2 of the 5 injunctions that are most present in your life today:

• Be Perfect
• Make an effort
• Be Strong
• Hurry up
• Fais Plaisir

You can take a free online test to identify the Driver most present in you.

Next, identify the positive and negative points of each of these injunctions:

• What positive things have these two injunctions enabled you to do in your life so far?
• What have they prevented you from doing?

Finally, once you have identified these blocking points, I suggest you think about 3 situations in your daily life where you would like to stop using these injunctions and consider the following 3 questions:

• What’s stopping you from doing things differently today?
• What do you need to feel safe and to abandon these injunctions in certain life situations?
• What would be the consequences of doing things differently?