How do life’s challenges help us get to know ourselves better?

Dernière mise à jour de l'article le 5 February 2026

In everyday life, we face various external difficulties. These difficulties can arise in many areas of our lives, whether family, professional, spiritual or related to the society in which we live. And these difficulties undoubtedly affect our being, our way of thinking and our way of seeing things.

Our environment can therefore have an effect on our state of mind, our feelings and, even more so, our life plans.

But these trials of life can also be seen as stimuli that awaken in us a new attitude, a new vision of the world.

Really?

Yes, indeed! And that is what I explain in this article.

Our challenges influence part of our lives

When a difficulty or problem arises repeatedly in our lives, it affects us. This difficulty may manifest itself as a recurring lack of something, a pressing need.

Haven’t you ever said to yourself:

« I’m fed up with this situation! Something has to change! »

« Why always me! Am I cursed? Why does this only happen to me? »

It is through these kinds of statements that the lack materialises. It is this lack that will create energy within you and push you to face this obstacle.

These difficulties vary depending on each person’s experience. They can come from our external environment; for example, they can be injustice, discrimination, dishonesty, hypocrisy. Or they can be issues that particularly affect you, such as poverty, violence…
Or they may come from within, such as a lack of knowledge, laziness, or addiction to something (whether it be a substance, social media, or a game…).

Know that you are not the first person to face these difficulties. One might even say that

« it’s normal » to experience this kind of situation. These are obstacles that arise in our lives, steps we must take to build ourselves up, find ourselves, and get to know ourselves better.

For example, several great figures who have marked the history of humanity, notably Martin Luther King and Albert Einstein, also had to face difficulties in their lives, feelings of lack at a certain point in their lives. For Martin Luther King, it was a feeling of lack of justice, and for Albert Einstein, it was a feeling of lack of knowledge.

However, as Jack Sparrow said:

« The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude towards the problem ».
This problem that arises before you is a situation, an external event that you must manage and overcome. The real issue is how you will react to this situation that you cannot necessarily control.

We all go through difficulties in our lives, and what will make the difference — being active or reactive — in the face of these difficulties is our willingness to change things.

Therefore, when we experience an event that has a negative impact on our lives, that event may reflect a lack that will impact something important to us. It is like something we wish we had, but which at first glance seems impossible to obtain. However, it is so crucial to us that we will do everything in our power to change the situation and ultimately, we will enshrine it as a value in our lives.

The lack that needs to be filled will become the temporary goal of our existence, consciously or unconsciously.

For example, if a person does not have enough money to live on and considers this a real obstacle to their personal fulfilment, this crucial lack of money in their life will materialise as an important value for them. Money will be one of their goals in life (in any form possible).

What behaviours do we adopt when faced with the problem?

Faced with this lack that we consider crucial to us, we may have several attitudes influenced by our feelings.

The first attitudes are those related to fear, which can be observed in several ways.
We are paralysed, we do not know what to do when faced with these repetitive events. We do not know how to act, how to deal with the problem.

« What should we do? » « Why me? ». And as we are constantly confronted with this problem, in order to protect ourselves, our brain may unconsciously begin to integrate it as « the norm ».

And since fear paralyses us and prevents us from acting, we internalise all these emotions. And this fear can infect our very being. Instead of allowing the lack to give rise to values within us, we cultivate counter-values, all while being motivated by fear: fear of facing the problem, fear of changing things, lack of self-confidence.

On the other hand, this fear can, on the contrary, give us wings to act and give us the energy to make a difference, to achieve greater well-being. In this case, this fear will be a driving force and will influence our values. We will unconsciously integrate this lack as a goal to be achieved in order to free ourselves from this fear. This phenomenon is not insignificant, because don’t we sometimes say that fear can give us wings?

« give us wings! ».

Then, we may have attitudes related to the anger we feel in the face of this lack.
It may happen that the excess of this lack first creates in us an inexpressible rage, an anger of “Why me?” But when the situation lasts for several months or even several years, we are so confronted with it that we eventually end up accommodating ourselves to it, getting used to it. Yes, indeed! We have learned to live with this lack and, just like the feeling of fear, our brain has unconsciously integrated this lack in order to protect us. Of course, we continue to complain, but we do not take action. In fact, this is a kind of headlong rush, a rejection of responsibility.